He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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