Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
