i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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