Yo dont text me then not text me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
