she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My balls are so social today.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
