i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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