I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
