If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
