remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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