this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
