Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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