omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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