Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
