im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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