come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
