Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if only i could text you this smell
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
