I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
