is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
