wakey wakey hands off snakey
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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