"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i dont even know how to be here
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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