Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
