census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I could make wine with my vomit
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
