1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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