Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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