the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
