Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
