I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
