Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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