Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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