awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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