So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
