Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
