This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
