Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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