she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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