alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
