STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
