Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
