Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
