He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
