Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
