Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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