i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
