Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
