does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
