Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
