Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
