and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
