Do you still have your period?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
