I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
