now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
