She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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