He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
